A man’s wife asked him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walked down to the store only to find it closed. With that option out, he ventured into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. But, at the bar he saw a beautiful woman and started talking to her. They had a couple of beers and one thing led to another and they ended up in her apartment.
After they had their fun, he realized it was 3 a.m. and said, “Oh no, it’s so late, my wife’s going to kill me. Do you have any talcum powder?” The woman found him some, which he proceeded to rub on his hands. Then he went home.
His wife was waiting for him in the doorway, and she was quite upset. “Where the hell have you been?”
The man took a deep breath. “Well, honey, it’s like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.”
“Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!”
He looked down, and held them out. His wife took one look, and exploded into tears, “You damn liar! You went bowling again!”
Monday, November 19, 2007
Joke :: All the room I can get!
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities.
When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked…and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. “What happened?” she asks.
“I’ve never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo, I’m gonna need all the room I can get!”
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities.
When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked…and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. “What happened?” she asks.
“I’ve never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo, I’m gonna need all the room I can get!”
Joke :: Husband will be home soon!
A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she requested that he shave his beard. “Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”
James replied, “My wife loves this beard. I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!!”
“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…
“Really, I can’t,” he replied. “My wife loves this beard!!”
The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.
That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping. The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and said, “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon!”
James replied, “My wife loves this beard. I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!!”
“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…
“Really, I can’t,” he replied. “My wife loves this beard!!”
The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.
That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping. The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and said, “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon!”
Joke :: In My Chair
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They’re up in heaven, and God’s sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.
“Al, what do you believe in?”
Al replies, “Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we’ll all die.”
God thinks for a second and says, “OK, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left,”
God then addresses Bill Clinton. “Bill, what do you believe in?”
Bill Clinton replies, “Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people’s pain.”
God thinks for a second and says, “OK, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right.”
God then addresses Bill Gates. “Bill Gates, what do you believe?”
Bill Gates said, “I believe you’re in my chair.”
“Al, what do you believe in?”
Al replies, “Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we’ll all die.”
God thinks for a second and says, “OK, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left,”
God then addresses Bill Clinton. “Bill, what do you believe in?”
Bill Clinton replies, “Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people’s pain.”
God thinks for a second and says, “OK, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right.”
God then addresses Bill Gates. “Bill Gates, what do you believe?”
Bill Gates said, “I believe you’re in my chair.”
Joke :: Woman's body has five rooms
According to Chinese Doctors, a Woman's body has five rooms:
1. FACE - show room
2. BOOBS - play room
3. TUMMY - store room
4. VAGINA - men's room
5. ANUS - emergency room
1. FACE - show room
2. BOOBS - play room
3. TUMMY - store room
4. VAGINA - men's room
5. ANUS - emergency room
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