Jimmy, a rich guy, loved fast cars and he did have a few in his possession. He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking speed limits. Many a times he was caught by the cops and speed radars, fined, but still he never bothered until.
One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw a cop following him. The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop and checked his license. He then took out his pad and started Writing, and then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.
How much was this one going to cost?!!!
Wait a minute.
What was this????
Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.
Jimmy began to read:
"Dear Jimmy,
Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a speeding driver's car. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his three daughters. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven, before I can ever hug her again.
A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me.. And be careful, Jimmy, my son is all I have left."
Jimmy turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and head down the road. He watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.
Life is precious. Handle it with care.
Funny how you can send a thousand jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the sanctity of life, people think twice about sharing. Funny, how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you, for sending it to them.
Pass this on, you may save 1
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Joke :: A dream of skiing
Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says, "I dreamt I had the best wank last night"
The guy on the left side says, "That's funny, I had the exact same dream!"
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing"
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says, "I dreamt I had the best wank last night"
The guy on the left side says, "That's funny, I had the exact same dream!"
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing"
Joke :: Priest giving birth to baby
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman,
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father".
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father".
Joke :: Three guys in desert
There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.
"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.
She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."
The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.
"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."
"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.
"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"
"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.
He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.
"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.
"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."
"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"
He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, the third guy goes to the door and rings the bell.
"What do you want for some water?"
"You have to have sex with me."
Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.
"Do me here," she told him.
He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.
"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"
The witch lays back and spreads her legs. The guy nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.
"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."
"Then lay back and close your eyes again."
This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.
"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."
"Eyes closed," he says.
Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.
"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.
So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where his friends are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.
One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"
"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.
She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."
The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.
"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."
"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.
"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"
"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.
He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.
"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.
"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."
"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"
He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, the third guy goes to the door and rings the bell.
"What do you want for some water?"
"You have to have sex with me."
Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.
"Do me here," she told him.
He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.
"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"
The witch lays back and spreads her legs. The guy nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.
"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."
"Then lay back and close your eyes again."
This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.
"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."
"Eyes closed," he says.
Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.
"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.
So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where his friends are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.
One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"
Joke :: Two guys at a strip joint
Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping. The guy in back, Paul, says, "Oh yeah, Oh yeah!"
Then the first guy turns around and says, " Hey Paul, shut up!"
Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, "Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah!"
Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.
The guy in front says, "Hey Paul, where's all your excitement now?"
Paul says, "All over your back!"
Then the first guy turns around and says, " Hey Paul, shut up!"
Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, "Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah!"
Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.
The guy in front says, "Hey Paul, where's all your excitement now?"
Paul says, "All over your back!"
Joke :: Three teenage girls after date
These three teenage girls were roommates. One Friday night right after the semester started they all had all gone out on dates, and by chance all came home at about the same time.
The first one came in and said with a smug look on her face, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."
The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's nothing! You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."
The third one sat quiet with a blank stare on her face and didn't say a thing for a few minutes. Then she reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck with a loud thud!
She said, "Now THAT'S a good date!!"
The first one came in and said with a smug look on her face, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."
The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's nothing! You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."
The third one sat quiet with a blank stare on her face and didn't say a thing for a few minutes. Then she reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck with a loud thud!
She said, "Now THAT'S a good date!!"
Joke :: Sex and digging --> a close relationship
Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable.
Father (F) : It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger !!
S : Why do women enjoy sex more than man
F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.
S: Why do women hate it when they get raped .
F: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it ??
S: Why woman cannot have sex when they are having menstruation?
F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ??
S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love.
F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.
S: Why are making love carried out in private?
F: Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!
S: What is an orgasm ?
F:The same as sneezing, but the other way round
S: Is it true that women love big dicks ?
F: Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb ?
S: What's anal sex?
F: Picking your mouth
ARE YOU DIGGING ENOUGH ?
Father (F) : It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger !!
S : Why do women enjoy sex more than man
F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.
S: Why do women hate it when they get raped .
F: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it ??
S: Why woman cannot have sex when they are having menstruation?
F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ??
S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love.
F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.
S: Why are making love carried out in private?
F: Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!
S: What is an orgasm ?
F:The same as sneezing, but the other way round
S: Is it true that women love big dicks ?
F: Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb ?
S: What's anal sex?
F: Picking your mouth
ARE YOU DIGGING ENOUGH ?
Joke :: Office Romance
After working together for some time Dick and Jane's office romance blossomed, and they really developed the 'hots' for each other.
One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust.
Dick finds Jane very difficult to 'enter', but finally succeeds.
When they are finished, Dick says to Jane, "If I had known that you were a Virgin, I would've taken more time!"
To which Jane replies,"If I'd known that you had more time, I would have taken off my Pantyhose!".
One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust.
Dick finds Jane very difficult to 'enter', but finally succeeds.
When they are finished, Dick says to Jane, "If I had known that you were a Virgin, I would've taken more time!"
To which Jane replies,"If I'd known that you had more time, I would have taken off my Pantyhose!".
Joke :: Girl admiring beautiful shoes
She was gazing in the window of the shoe shop, admiring a beautiful pair of black Italian stiletto heeled shoes, priced far beyond her capacity to pay.
The shoe salesman in the shop beckoned her in. "You can have those shoes if you come to bed with me", he said.
"O.K.", she replied, "but I should tell you, I don't like sex very much."
He gave her the shoes and they booked into a motel room. They took off their clothes and jumped into bed. He humped away while she lay passively, missionary style. Suddenly, she threw her legs up into the air and cried,
"Wonderful!.....Beautiful!..... Oh my God, so lovely!....."
"I thought you didn't like sex", he panted.
"I don't", she replied, "I'm just admiring my beautiful new shoes."
The shoe salesman in the shop beckoned her in. "You can have those shoes if you come to bed with me", he said.
"O.K.", she replied, "but I should tell you, I don't like sex very much."
He gave her the shoes and they booked into a motel room. They took off their clothes and jumped into bed. He humped away while she lay passively, missionary style. Suddenly, she threw her legs up into the air and cried,
"Wonderful!.....Beautiful!..... Oh my God, so lovely!....."
"I thought you didn't like sex", he panted.
"I don't", she replied, "I'm just admiring my beautiful new shoes."
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